Please come to my dream again

It is the 86th day since papa left us. Another weekend we'll be heading back to Kuantan for his 100th day. Time flies, "is almost 3 month since papa left us", sis suddenly said while she's ironing her clothe while I concentrating on my freelance. We had a silent moment, assuming she will think that I was occupied and ignored her conversation.

There are lots of memories flashing in my mind while talking over the phone with my mom. As she is busy preparing for the 100th day, she told me stories and stuff that she bought for my dad. My cousin chose some nice clothes, my mom bought some pants, a LV bag, napkins, socks, money... and a lot more. She's good at conversation by digging memories, and she sounds alright. Lucky with her cheerful nature, she makes me feel pleasant with the sweet memories of what my dad like, without flashing back the heart breaking memory of last day accompanying my dad in the hospital. For the first two months after he left, it hurts me so much to always miss him in a tiny and aching soul laying in the ward, as I know I will never be able to feel how much he's been enduring. Somehow the night I went back home last two week, I dreamt him coming home with a van. I ran towards him to the door like what I did always when he came back working in the jungles for weeks, and I can feel him hugging me so tight. Blissful moment, which now and then this happy scene will appear every time I miss him. I know he always take care of us even though he is not around, he know I'm suffering from the terrible moment of losing him that night in the hospital, and that's why he came to my dream. Thank you so much, I miss you, and I love you, Papa~ =")

永远爱你

我依然嬉皮笑脸，我依然勤奋工作，依然上网玩面子书，依然过着和平日没差的生活。。。
如果你听见，我只想告诉你我们都很好，适应着你的离开。。。

如果你到了天国，遇见佛祖，就跟随他去吧，听说那里是脱离痛苦尘埃的极乐，你到那就不会痛了。即使我们万般不舍得你离开，我们也惟有放手，实在没别办法再看见你被折腾。所以不用牵挂我们，会好好照顾妈，好好照顾我们自己。万一有哪天你经过家门看见谁偷偷在被里哭，不要担心也不要牵挂，只因你曾经是他们敬爱的守护者，也会是永远深爱的男人。爸，你安息吧！永远爱你~

A precious gift

Guess what is at the back??? =D

Though it may not be the most beautiful, but it's the most precious gift I'd received from Felicia, a cute kid from my working place.



坦然

最近看了一部台湾剧，有句对白让我影响深刻。“没有等待，也没有准备”。杨丞琳是指的是爱情，可是我心酸了一下，想的却是那天老板问我有将心情准备了没。问起爸的病情，问起我们家人准备了没，我愣了一下，没想到他如此直接，心理和嘴里都说 not really actually。虽然他常安抚我们要坦然面对，可是我真还没将情绪准备好。我期待的是和他一起坐轮船，我期待的是让他再次看见我戴四方帽。我能坦然的能力，想应该就是没有等待，也没有准备的心情吧！

Brave and Positive

It has been 3 months I din't update my blog. Such a long time, am I such busy? I wonder...

Just reading the backlog of my dear friend updates on his recent life. Life turned out to be unexpected. But the 3 months time did give some space for the transitions. From feeling sucks.. to have accepted and keep on going...

Brave and positive, my dear friend...

Yesterday I was in Old Town meeting friends and having some chit chat. Got to know everyone gradually starts working, or have been working for quite some months ever since coming out from college. Joining the industry and working as an official employee is different from a trainee. Commitment, responsibility and accountability. They won't go far from every freshie who join their very first placement in the real working life. They are heavy, and some may feel it heavier, and some have already feel it at the extreme end of taking all the unexpected heavy loads of commitment and responsibilities bosses throw on them. After all, if I think I'm at the extreme end, then I may now quietly shift to the mild level. OT till 10pm is still not the worst, they are people who works harder than me, yet they are taking it positively, why can't me?

Brave and positive, again, my dear friends...

1 month earlier my dad wasn't feeling so good after the treatment stopped for quite some time. I know he felt terrible from the wary face and tiny body. He was hospitalised last week, extracting accumulated 'water' from his heart. He is painful, so do I. I feel like crying if I were able to have some free hours, even during the few minutes coffee break I grant myself for continuous working on the desk. Yet my dad is enduring it with patience, gave words of hope every time we went home...

Brave and positive, my dearest papa...

After all, I have shifted from the deadly end of darkness and gradually see lights in my life... all because of you all.. thank you~

I ♥ Paris

Feeling extremely great to experience 2 spectaculars events at 2 different countries at the same day.

During daytime at Lake Geneva, Jet D'Eau shows its magnifcant performance under the cool breezy weather. We are luckly enough to watch the 500 litres of water jetted at altitude of 140m by water pumps sited down the lake. Lucky, because it doesn't has a fix time for this show, but we're able to watch it at this right timing.

After dinner, the driver drove us to the Paris city centre and have a good sightseeing of its night view. It is truly really amazing. Histories and modernities under the illumination is one of the arts which answers why many poets, stage writers and celebrities choose this place for inspirations. Passing through the Louis Vuitton headquaters earns the loudest roam in the bus, but something just ahead the road catched me - the Arc de Triomphe, probably because of its familiarity as one of my wooden miniature collections at home XD！The real spectacular view was the 9pm light show at Eiffel Tower. This event earns applauses and a big waoh not only from the bus members, but the whole people who waited there to watch it. It is really really really a magnificent and romantic moment. No wonder some couples put down their cameras, grabs and huddles close to treasure this precious moment with their love one. This special lighting lasts for about 5 minutes, and luckly enough to take a short clip with my hp camera. Though the effect of this clip is not nice, hope it does give a motivation for all of us to work hard and come back again, watching it live! =)

灿烂罗马，我来了！！！

今天是欧洲之旅的第六天。回旅馆的路途中，暮色下特别地想念他和她们。这六天来一至都想如果象这次的旅行有他们相随一起分享，那会是个我这未毕业负资产贪心的愿望吗？无论如何，爸妈和姐都希望我能安心愉快地享受，我也没烦没恼开心渡过了六天，算是2012前的一份贵重礼物吧!

现在老张，我们和蔼谦虚的导游播着一首他女儿弹钢琴的歌，也是我最爱的 River Flows In You。

虽然是个六小时从威尼斯到罗马的车程，我却觉得是一种平凡的享受，间单的福份!明天将到Angels and Demons 里收悉的梵蒂冈，和忠锦敏志报名参加比赛的斗兽场里参观了！！！ 期待期待。。。

罗马, 我來了！！！

You Are My Inspiration

This is a TV commercial for Cannon. I love it so much, it is such a romantic and sceneful story. But decided to post it because I saw a meaningful comment in Youtube.

"Some call it stalking, but I call it love."

Some fellow might not fancy with the guy who stalks the girl and jokes for calling the cops. Hm..
Depends on how you take it, something beautiful in your eyes might not turn out to be the same as others. But as long as his intention is not bad, everything is fine actually. He admires her for so long and decided to go for it, and I think his bravery earns a compliment... and that bravery worth for everything~

Milestones

Feel a sudden release after my part in the presentation ends today, though all of us in the team are still on the stage. It sounds an official ending for my study journey, so far as concerned in my plan. Even there is an e-portfolio waiting me to finish it right now, I couldn't concentrate well because there are too much joy and thoughts, so I let myself at least have a stop here in this remarkable day before enjoying my REALLY LAST PIECE of work in LJMU. 

Study, education. That's the main point ever since my parent sent me to nursery at the age of 2. They had been putting more care to me on education as they were willing to spend more on this expensive nursery (during that time) because of its good reputation for quality teaching method. The most memory I have in this nursery is the sand and playground, besides my lovely Miss Yap and an Indian teacher (whom I'd forgotten her name XD). I remember the porridge and biscuits served to us sitting on the small low bench during lunch time; and my lovely friends who shared the innocent time with me during my chilhood, some of whom are still in the fb list, Gary, Jason... though not that close bond as 20 years back. I believe this is where I started exposed to an official eduction in the institution, with colouring and geometry taking up most of the 2 years spent. But here is where I developed unconciously...

My another 3 years pre-school was in a kintergarden same with my sis. My memory, hum... a bit shamful, the first I think of is being a bully, =( I remembered I was so damn bad by asking a girl who sit on the swings to go away because my friend complained that she wanted to sit... oh gosh, how bad I was, I wish I can have an appology for her right now... so so remorseful... Some clumsy moment as well. Falling down during lunch hour and broke my chin, with a scar left of 7 stitches. I remembered the Indian teacher who was eating nasi lemak at that time immediately used her tissue with sambal stain to put under my broken and bleeding chin when she nervously saw me fell down. Aiks.... so hot !!! Haha, only if my sensor works that time, but somehow the numb made me feel nothing at all~ too bad... Spending my time here until the age of 6, this was the another milestone marking end for my pre-school life.

Now come Pei Chai, my lovely primary school. 陈老师，卢老师，絡老师... they are my form teacher for these 6 years education, together with other very nice teachers, Cikgu Yap, Miss Loh, 潘老师, Madam Quah, 李老师， whom I appreciate a lot... In my memory, none of them are bad, really... Don't even can think of someone with bad experience. The last year was the most discipline and happy year, because I started to take up more roles in prefect job, which I could enjoy the 15-minute earlier rest hour every day， with priority to buy chu cheong fun and wantan every Friday and could go duty with my best friend Elaine... wahahaha.. There are something else besides knowledge gained, which is the RESPONSIBILITY accounted is something people entrusted on you and you should do your best to be responsible for it.

My next page of education journey is somehow still with many fresh memories. The SMKAP secondary school, a gangster school which detered many primary school-leavers during my time. However, never judge a book before reading it. I never regret of entering that school because I have fantastic secondary school life with lots of good teachers and fun experience, without even 1 disturbance from the so-called naughty students in this school. These years was a process of intensifying technical knowlege besides lots of extra-curricular activities which made me learnt the way of leading and working in a team.

My 4 years tertiary education in TAR College ends by January 2010. That's a few months back. The moment I treasure is meeting a gang of best buddy, funny, humourous friends who work hard, play even harder... I was very much influenced by this gang to go out of my seriousness and my remoteness. They are best friend listening to voices, though 3 8 3 8 all the time, but we hate stabbing back. That's why I enjoyed very much living in this gang because I hate gossips. We talked the problem face to face, accept and forgive all the time. Learning was much dependant on oneself. Though notes always provided, but the spoon feeding process getting lesser and lesser especially during the last year in Advanced Diploma. Reseach, a really good process which personally I think is the best way of learning. Learn for knowledge and understanding. When get to understand something, interest will automatically find its way to us and intensify the enthusiasm. Undoubtedly, this journey is where I find all sorts of emotional up and down when dealing with different attitude of members. That makes me sometimes confused with work and friendship. Rethinking.... shouldn't be so stubborn and making life so complicated. After all, brevity of life makes it a point to possibly fill it with +ve ions, and not something tiny and -ve like this... not worth~

Papa and mama had been giving me the best ever that they can afford. I appreciate from deep down inside my heart though they seems blaming themselves all the time for couldn't afford me better education. I just want to tell them that I am the luckiest girl in this world. I love the way you planned for my life. For every decision and opinion you've been giving all these times were the best for me. I enjoyed very much the free educations earned up to uni life. I couldn't have done so if I was not thought of what is hardship and endless support from a warm family. Love you papa and mama.. Love you too sunche and linlin... without encouragement and support from all of you, I wouldn't be able to make my move up to here. ♥♥♥

+ve energy

Chatting with a two friends in Papa Rich for hours during dinner cum birthday celebration for a good friend. It was a nice feeling to share jokes and gossips which we knew but seldom talk through during study, life in college, and the anticipated life in UK count down in just a few weeks time. We talked about religious, about thoughts and the process of growth which affect the perspective of how we view things. Reaching this, we seemed to be heartfully thank the antagonist characters in our life, who taught us what to be aware and ashame of, so we won't do the same bad things; as we are human who do wrongs, it's not shameful to admit our weakness, but it's great to share it out and try to correct it.

Sometimes it is a matter of how willful we are in grabbing something tight, and also how willful we are in letting it go when it's time to do so.

A really relaxing day after a day hard work~

While reading the posts and comments in friend's facebook, it doubled up

感激.依赖

现在应该倒在床上，闭上眼睛好好的睡一觉了。。。可是很想感谢一位我能依赖的朋友，所以再挨多几分钟写下这感激的心情是值得的。

这次是我少有地能在assignment还没compile完能就安稳的休息。她知道我头痛，所以把剩余的工作都扛下。我相信很多人在交 assignment 之际都会忙得头昏脑涨， 我这爱临时抱佛脚的家伙也不例外。不认老也不行，挨了几天夜，今天能感觉血压一直飙升，每次站起来时还头晕了好几下。到了傍晚时偏头痛发作，真的有把眼珠都吐出来的恶心感觉。想起两年前我也是一样一个人挨夜到凌晨在客厅里拼命地赶功课，头疼呕了再继续，不知死活的埋头赶工。现在回想起那时的我，总爱霸占所有的工作，誓必将每个队友的部分都修改过才甘心交上去，不是伟大，而是自私。

我妈说算命的说我一生劳碌命，爱完美的性格往往将自己堆上重重压力。记得那时我妈听了连忙拨了电话叫我读书不要太大压力，她怕她女儿有一天傻了。哈哈哈！！！现在想起来我妈紧张的心情真可爱。原来算命佬说的也有七分信，我认了。可是我绝对不会是完美主义，因为我要懒散起来是绝对没有程序，相信这都不是完美主义该有的‘特征’吧。。哈哈哈！！！不否认有时要求多了些，变成了麻烦人物。所以很多事情都习惯我行我素，享受生活在自己的世界里，所以对依赖的感觉很陌生~

找对的时候，像现在，像家人一样的温暖，让我学会放开，学会依赖~

她不爱别人罗嗦对她说谢谢，所以我用华语写这贴，她看不明的情况下我想衷心地谢她，谢谢你Jas。。。

Expired Rubbish

摩斯特Da.Mon.Ster 【Expired Rubbish】官方MV

很有意思又贴切的的一首歌和MV...

Food. Satisfation. Mummy

Tonite was a great great night. I love the feeling of getting involved 'working' with a group of food lovers to work out tonight's dinner with pasar malam theme. I know they love food just like my family do, no matter how much it costs, how far it goes, they just insisted on buying all the necessary materials needed to come out with delicious food... end up all the taste of 'Malaysia' I miss so much during these 2 months have just been cured with plenty of food... pan mee, sambal udang kering, popia, grilled chicken wings and the lovely ABC soup.

The food are superb. The people are even awesome. Jasmine, Sieu Kit, Fung Yee, Chin Sui, King Fung, Samantha, Yi Ting, Edmund.... all of them are so committed on preparing the dinner and put in their heart, somemore they are really well-experienced in cooking which I have very much to learn from them.

Soup and pork mince for pan mee

The flour and egg dough before it's cooked and becomes pan mee

Spring roll with minced pork, carrot, mushroom, fungus and dried shrimp

Grilled chicken wings

ABC soup

Sambal udang kering

Food ready to serve!!!!

Food do give me satisfaction and cure misses for home food. But someone keep appearing on my mind tonight is my mummy, starting from the flaming heat feels on my fingers when cutting chilies for sambal. I never wonder the heat of chilies can be so immense when you dip your fingers among the chilies for about 20 minutes. It's totally a different pain from the usual  pain I feel when cutting one or two for serving food, coz the heat of chilies fade off in minutes. Not like now, hours, and still it's pain like hell, like dipping fingers into a hot pot of oil!!!

My mum should have feel this pain hundred times, since she will prepare the home blend sambal very often to keep her daughter, me, a happy appetite and will eat more so that I'm not hungry. Especially her sambal eggs, a typical dish I fancy most that will appear on the dining table everytime I go back from KL. I remembered she complained about the chilies heat which make her fingers like burning once, but I do not take it seriously as I thought it was just a small case and will be ok in minutes. Apparently she stopped mumbling not becuase she doesn't feel it anymore, just that she endured it with her motherly nature... hmm.. only being remorseful when I finally feel the same pain... really not a good daughter...

Mummy, I miss you...♥♥♥♥

Present for Brahmi

Yesterday was a day I gave myself some free air after spending whole week inside my room for assignment. Haha, but turned up to be a grocery-procurement day... out from bank to Home Bargain, China Town, Sugarcane, Tesco, fruit stall... pack by pack of groceries and instant noodles...

Heavy + exhausted especially when it started to rain...

Ha, today's spot light will be on a present from Sugarcane, a new shop, I assume (coz I just noticed it for the first time) at Bold Street with lots and variety of candies... it attracted me to go inside for a 'smell'.... really happy when entering Sugarcane and saw children and kidults and even old aunty uncle spreading the shop for candies and souries... some even called their friend and asked happily what flavour they would want..

I spotted a candy and think of my Brahmi, sure he'll love it as his toy collection... Since he miss me so much, should buy a present for him, as I'd promised before leaving for UK.

Gumball machine

It's really fun to spin the 'TURN' and see gumball of different flavour dropping out!!!

1:1

事半功倍

【出处】:

孟子

【解释】:指做事得法，因而费力小，收效大。

Pareto Principle

【Origin】:

Joseph M. Juran suggested this principle and named it after Italian economist, Vilfredo Pareto.

【Principle】: 

80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

【Special case of Pareto distribution】:

If the parameters in the Pareto distribution are suitably chosen, then one would have not only 80% of effects coming from 20% of causes, but also 80% of that top 80% of effects coming from 20% of that top 20% of causes, and so on'.

80% of 80% is 64%; 20% of 20% is 4%, so this implies a "64-4" law; and a similarly implies a "51.2-0.8" law.

【Example】:

 80% of Italy's wealth was owned by 20% of the population

中国有事半功倍，意大利有事20%功80%。

这两者都带来同样的讯息：

社会80%财富源自20%的有钱富人，应证了社会不平等是个跨洋跨洲的事实。

你付出一半，却能有一倍的收获，有点太容易了吧？

哈哈，可我却不这么想，看清楚两位伟人所说丰富的收获都有一个前提，就是：

正确又有效的付出！！！

不要以为羽毛真的能把比自己重几千倍的石头举起。我们不晓得可能他是经过十八般武艺锻炼还是科学家背后精心努力的科技让他有那神奇的力量。。。

就如你看世界不平等，有钱人太有钱了，可是你不知道他们背后劳心累骨的过程。。。

不论五十：五十， 还是80:20, 他们在我眼里还是 1:1。

所以究跟到底，我还是觉得一分耕耘一分收获是最实际了。=)

崇拜你

刘力扬 - 崇拜你

第一次听这首歌就爱上了。

很轻松，听了心情变得好愉快。就想赖着你的画面一幕幕地涌上脑海，wooo... sweet 到爆的Jerry and Ella 顿时让我有个美好的早上！！！

Enjoy, have a nice day!!! ^^v

Today's Horoscope

Sometimes it's quite funny to read the horoscope. When it hits the current situation of which you're facing, you'll be amazed by talking to yourself and wondered: How come it's so accurate?

Probably it's just a way of people mind fits into the words directed... no matter how, the one appearing in my mind while reading today's horoscope is Jas... very good friend, no.. a very good 'aunty' I know better and closer in these days... =D

Dream. Inspiration

When you stay alive, there'll always someone giving you new hope and inspiration to move on and stitch new dream.

Today went for a meeting, prefer to call it as a gathering, meeting the delegations from TARC with other course reps in a conference room. They brought 4 seniors doing PhD along while visited their research lab earlier. Like an old folks, I always astonished and inspired by people with their own thoughts developed while they gone through hardship to achieve success in dream.

Frankly, I enjoyed very much listening to the talk by the former politician. I nodded hard inside my heart thousand and thousand times when he delivered his speech. "The hardship that you're going through will make you a better man in future. No blaming please, but keep the faith that you're earning from every tough road God has placed for you". No one knows the future, but as you keep your life with persevered hardship and enjoy the process, you've created the future nearer to your dream. Everything comes naturally...

Dream, now I realised that it doesn't always come with plan intended for a long time since you're a child, it's something comes naturally when you stand at a point at the time being. It's where you foresee the future you and you'll feel comfortable to pursue. It's a will comes naturally from the heart where it burns and pushes you through the path of accomplishing it. A hypothesis seriously posed: "Master and PhD are not title for the accomplishment of academic level". Ha, this thought suddenly appear when the amazing seniors spread out confidence and personality when they shared. They seems to achieve more than the title earned, something comes naturally from their soul which make them unique when they've gone up to that level. Something they able to inspire...

Though not yet to make a conclusion now, all of this gonna thank millionly to the delegations and seniors, they are really amazing people giving out inspirations for people with messy mind like me...

Full Moon

When a person suddenly stay away from the crowd and hide nowhere for a period, what could you think of?

Recently I walked away from the crowd because of the sensitive illness overwhelming me for more than 10 years, ever since people start to say I'm a 'cool' person in secondary school who like isolating from group. Cool, that is a very nice word to describe me, but I know they would prefer 'weird' as the description.

Am I going to get more and more serious someday? Probably not that extreme case, because I found some extraordinary hapiness and release while travelling to a new place. So aiming to change my peculiar attitude by saving money and do a lot of travelling... to a place with no matter clear or misty sky, a place with cool breeze, rain and sunshine, a place with lake and mountain, a place with green grass and colourful flowers, a place with long path for me to walk and walk, a place I see the wider horizon of this world, where I can capture the postive energy from the trees and air. 

I am going to leave the werewolves community soon, leaving them in the isolated place during full moon where we used to hide ourselves from people knowing the truth. Thanks Jas for making me realise many things and that I'm not weird of being away during full moon. Love you and Elaine!!!

Sticking to my habit, this is just a reminder to help me awake from drowning deeper. I should wake up now and pray for a better tomorrow!!!

坏男人 OST: 美 - 在哪裡

张慧珍 [美 - 在哪裡]

Share a nice song from a korean drama I like recently...